Canadian singer-songwriter Jann Arden says her new album is about learning from mistakes and embracing hardships, as she cares for her 82-year-old mother with Alzheimer鈥檚 disease.
Arden told CTV News Chief Anchor Lisa LaFlamme in a feature interview on Wednesday that when she started writing she was dealing with a lot of upheaval.
鈥淚 had ended a 10-year relationship. My mom and my dad were both quite ill,鈥 she says. 鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 in great health. I was heavier than I鈥檇 been in a long time and drinking too much ... It was just such a culmination.鈥
While writing the new music, Arden was also writing a book. tracks her experience coming to terms with her mother Joan Richards鈥 illness while cooking for her nightly.
Arden says her mother was in her early 70s when she started showing signs of dementia, but Arden originally brushed it off as 鈥済arden-variety鈥 memory loss. Eventually it became clear that Richards鈥 problems were not the normal signs of aging.
鈥淪he鈥檇 pick up the phone and say, 鈥榃hat do you do with this?鈥欌 Arden recalls. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 not forgetting where your keys are.鈥
The diagnosis was difficult to accept. 鈥淚 thought my mom would be on cruises now with her girlfriends and having a beer, and all those things were stolen from her,鈥 Arden explains.
鈥淏ut having said that, my mom tells me every time I see her, 鈥業 love my life, I have a good life,鈥欌 she says. 鈥淚鈥檓 on the lucky side of Alzheimer鈥檚 because my mom is quite cheery.鈥
The relationship hasn鈥檛 been without strain, of course.
鈥淚 did go through a couple years of someone that I didn鈥檛 know very well telling me I鈥檓 the worst person in the world and I鈥檓 going to go to hell,鈥 she says.
Two years ago, Richards鈥 disease progressed to the point that she needed full-time caregivers, despite Arden owning a home right across the road from her in rural Alberta.
Just days ago, Arden was to move Richards into a specialized care facility that can meet her complex medical needs.
鈥淭his is the most difficult thing I鈥檝e ever done,鈥 she says. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e basically parenting your parent.鈥
鈥淏ut what an honour,鈥 she adds. 鈥淢y mom and dad were not perfect people but I would never have been able to do what I鈥檓 doing without them.鈥
Arden鈥檚 advice for caregivers
Arden says her biggest mistake when caring for her mother was acting as 鈥渢he memory police.鈥
She stopped doing that after 鈥渁n epiphany,鈥 she says. Richards was complaining about imaginary people at the house across the road -- Arden鈥檚 house. Rather than explaining the situation, she told her mom, 鈥淵ou鈥檇 think they could pick up a broom and do that deck.鈥
鈥淲ell yeah!鈥 Richards responded, according to Arden.
鈥淎nd we moved on,鈥 she says. 鈥淚f someone would have told me it鈥檚 that easy: just go where they go ... be in the moment.鈥
The meaning behind the title track
Arden has written songs over the years about her mother, but she says the title track on 鈥淭hese Are The Days鈥 isn鈥檛 about Richards.
Rather, it was written to herself. 鈥淭hat song is very much about 鈥楾here鈥檚 life in you yet,鈥欌 she says. 鈥淎lthough you鈥檙e kind of lost in the mire, you can still find your way through it and that鈥檚 what 鈥楾hese Are the Days鈥 is about.鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚 also about kicking butt, not taking any prisoners, getting out there and doing your best and not being afraid to screw up,鈥 Arden adds.
鈥淚f you鈥檙e going to get out there and not be prepared to fail, you鈥檙e missing out in life,鈥 she says. 鈥淔ailure is half the fun.鈥
What is Alzheimer鈥檚?
Alzheimer鈥檚 is a form of dementia that affects 564,000 Canadians, with the number is expected to reach 937,000 in 15 years, according to Alzheimer鈥檚 Society Canada.
It鈥檚 not yet known what causes Alzheimer鈥檚. include smoking, high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity, alcohol, low levels of formal education, depression, head injuries, family history and being female.
Alzheimer鈥檚 Society Canada says that
- Memory loss affecting day-to-day abilities鈥揻orgetting things often or struggling to retain new information.
- Difficulty performing familiar tasks鈥揻orgetting how to do something you鈥檝e been doing your whole life, such as preparing a meal or getting dressed.
- Problems with language鈥揻orgetting words or substituting words that don鈥檛 fit the context.
- Disorientation in time and space鈥搉ot knowing what day of the week it is or getting lost in a familiar place.
- Impaired judgment鈥搉ot recognizing a medical problem that needs attention or wearing light clothing on a cold day.
- Problems with abstract thinking鈥搉ot understanding what numbers signify on a calculator, for example, or how they鈥檙e used.
- Misplacing things鈥損utting things in strange places, like an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.
- Changes in mood and behaviour鈥揺xhibiting severe mood swings from being easy-going to quick-tempered.
- Changes in personality鈥揵ehaving out of character such as feeling paranoid or threatened.
- Loss of initiative鈥搇osing interest in friends, family and favourite activities.
